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Spotting red flags on dates is so important.


It can mean the difference between a healthy relationship and an abusive one, so being able to anticipate trouble early on is essential.


We all want to sugarcoat our partner’s flaws, especially if we find them physically attractive, but this can leave you vulnerable to being hurt or abused.


Narcissistic personality disorder is one of the hardest conditions to spot, which often leads to toxic and damaging relationships, which our very own Operations Manager,

has unfortunately experienced in the past.


Worryingly, unless you know how to spot a narcissist straight away, you can be quickly pulled into a situation that’s hard to get out of.


In this case, ignorance is certainly NOT bliss.


Here’s what you need to know:


What is a narcissist?


A narcissist - to give the term its medical definition - is an individual who is arrogant, devoid of empathy and is ruthlessly selfish.


The difficulty of ascertaining if your partner suffers from narcissistic personality disorder is two-fold.


Firstly, we are all on the narcissistic spectrum to some degree. It is an aspect of human nature we must all overcome - whether that is by being less self-absorbed, manipulative or self-aggrandising.


However, it is the extreme examples whom we are concerned with here. These individuals lack the ability to spot their flaws, and control them. It is a mental health disorder.


Secondly, narcissists are usually charismatic, which makes them deceiving at first. Their self-absorption often gives them an easy confidence that is addictive to be close to, and they are skilled at making those around them feel special - at least at first.


This has been described by experts as ‘love bombing’, a phase in which narcissists bombard you with compliments, attention and even physical gifts, creating a false sense of intimacy.


This disorder is particularly difficult to spot if you are lacking self-confidence, or seeking intimacy. You are more likely to succumb to their natural charm, and want more of it.


What are the red flags to watch out for?


There are a number of common symptoms associated with narcissistic personality disorder. Keep an eye-out for evidence of them:


  • A craving for constant attention

  • A desire for ego validation and compliments

  • An emotional coldness and lack of empathy towards other people

  • A deep-set belief that they are destined for greatness, otherwise referred to as the God-complex. This can be reflected in elitism, snobbishness and an irrational self-belief in their abilities despite evidence to the contrary.

  • They often exploit those around them for personal gain.

  • They are constantly distracted by allusions of grandeur: whether that is money, career success or world-beating talent.

  • They are categorically unable to listen to anybody speak without drifting off into thoughts about themselves.

  • An irrational demand for perfection from those around them, particularly in a relationship.

  • Often aloof and arrogant, appearing detached from those around them

  • An in-built belief that their faults or quirks can only be understood by other special people or ‘geniuses’.

  • If you confront them about these above qualities, they dismiss it as nonsense and won’t entertain the notion of changing.


Often, these traits are more obvious after a certain point in a relationship. At first, your partner will appear charming, but over time their personality will switch and they will begin openly displaying some or all of the qualities above. We can help you identify those red flags in the early days of dating.


This is the stage that is difficult to compute if you were not already anticipating it. You may feel like the spotlight has been switched off as their attention sinks inwards, and their gifts dry up.


What should you do if your partner shows these signs?


Every relationship is different, but if you are convinced your partner is suffering from a narcissistic personality disorder, the best course of action is to cut your losses, end the relationship quickly and without debate, then seek to distance yourself as much as possible from your former partner.


This may sound brutal, but there is no negotiating with a narcissist. Naturally, encourage them to seek professional help, because it is a mental health issue, but don’t attempt to reason with them or believe their promises of improvement or change.


Although there is a slim chance they are telling the truth, it is not worth the risk.


You should cut off contact from them immediately, because a common reaction from narcissists is to charm their way back into a relationship, this is often referred to as ‘hoovering’. They normally get their way, after all, so rejecting them will contrast horribly with their carefully constructed self-image.


This is a dangerous position to find yourself in, so remove contact and try to move on.


What happens next?


You need to make sure you take care of yourself. You should not feel stupid for entering a relationship with a narcissist, you should only reflect and learn from your mistake, then move on to a better tomorrow.


Concentrate on rebuilding strong relationships with your friends and family. Often, narcissists attempt to horde their partners, cutting them off from friends and family. If this is the case, reach out to them and explain what happened. Having a strong, supportive group of people around you is crucial at a time like this.


If you feel it helpful, seek therapy to better reflect on your relationship and pinpoint ways to prevent it from happening again.


Reflecting on your past relationships and working on yourself to improve your chances of a healthy and successful relationship is exactly what we teach at Wingman Dating Training. If this article was helpful for you, why not sign up with our resident dating coach, Robert Noakes, here:


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Picture the scene…


You’re down the pub with your best friend, enjoying an overdue pint after a long, hard winter. You’re excited to hear what they’ve been up to, and to share your own stories.


But after the first few sips your stomach plummets.


Your throat tightens.


Because your friend only wants to talk about their irritatingly perfect partner.


They’ve moved in together already, and a baby is on the way soon.


“We literally couldn’t be happier…” they say, beaming from ear to ear.


You hate yourself for thinking it...but you don’t wanna know.


And then, when you think you’ve dodged it, the dreaded question:


“So what’s new in your life?”


Memories of a lonely winter spent swiping desperately on dating apps come flooding back.


“Oh, not much” you reply, sinking your pint, avoiding the pitying smile on their face that delivers the final blow.


“You know what you need?” they say, patting you on the arm, “A date.”


It’s not like you haven’t been trying. In fact, the harder you try, the more disheartening the results become.


You get matches alright…they’re just not the right ones.


And the conversations?


Well, if you hear the words “how was your day” a single time more you’d scream, right?


And there’s no way you can tell your friend any of this because they wouldn’t understand.


They have a perfect relationship that sprung outta nowhere. How could they understand the guilt you feel when you answer another anaemic message instead of doing work? It would be embarrassing.


The worst part of all this is that it makes you feel childish.



I know how you feel, because I’ve been there myself.


It’s horrible.


I’ve scrolled mindlessly through dating app after dating app, enduring matches that lead to nowhere and stomaching the gnawing feeling of being constantly let down.


But after years of slogging away at these apps, I finally cracked the code. I found a match I shared a genuine connection with.


Then another.


And another.


I couldn’t stop smiling because I had been right all along - just as you are now. There are wonderful people out there, waiting to connect, you just have to put yourself in the right position.


How?


Through a simple combination of eye-catching photos, a witty and authentic bio, and the dating skills necessary to make the most of your high quality profile.


It took me years to build it, but once I had the dating life of my dreams, I was finally in the right position to meet that special someone.


Which I did, incidentally.


And why am I telling you this?


Because I want to share my findings with you.


I don’t want you to have to claw around in the dark like I did, wasting the golden years of your life scrabbling for unfulfilling dates with strangers you’ll forget in a year’s time.


Which is why I’ve created Dating Transformation, a 12-week programme that helps you rebuild your dating life brick by brick, cutting out the self-doubt, embarrassing mistakes and lost time.


Sound good?


Click the link below to stop your friends asking awkward questions once and for all.


https://www.wingmandatingtraining.com/datingcoach



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Unpopular opinion incoming…


Hollywood rom coms don’t understand how romance works.


Sure, they make us all smitten with smooth lines, perfect dates and heart-fluttering meet cutes, but unless Emma Stone works in your local Starbucks, they are about as realistic as the rain at the end of Four Weddings and a Funeral.


You might feel this is quite disheartening.


Because you probably won’t get the girl by asking her out in a press conference or fighting someone in a water fountain, no matter how glamorous it sounds.


And ladies, tripping and spilling your coffee all over a guy in a suit isn’t likely to spark a romance for the ages, no matter how cute you think your clumsiness is.


So why are we killing your rom com dreams?


Because embracing reality is liberating!


While we all love a daydream every now and then, living in a rom com fantasy is not healthy or helpful for your love life, because it leaves you with unrealistic demands, paralysingly passive and, worst of all, pining after greener grass when there’s plenty of amazing dating opportunities staring you in the face.


When you accept your dating life is imperfect, messy and downright embarrassing sometimes, you can let go of the unfulfilled fairytale fantasies dancing around your mind…


Because...as cliche as it sounds...dating in the real world is more spellbinding than a rom com ever could be.


There’s no scripts, no predictable formats, no perfect matches…


...just glorious surprises and your own UNIQUE story.


Dating is not about memorising slick pick up lines, bringing a beat box on the train with you in the vain hope you’ll meet the love of your life, or piling pressure on yourself to make yourself into the star of your own movie.


Because guess what...there are no cameras to record your mistakes or fake rain to fall on cue.


“Okay, okay,” I hear you say, “I get it, but why are you telling me this?”


Because one of our hardest jobs is to convince our clients that by working on their confidence, presentation and approach to dating, they can experience a fulfilling love life, just where they are.


No hacks, no sexy lines, no silly gestures they learned from a Meg Ryan film.


Just them.


“Alright”, you say, “enough of the cliches, just tell me how I can do this myself”.


Well, unfortunately this leads us onto another unpopular opinion…


You can’t find the partner of your dreams overnight.


It takes time, effort and dedication to improve your dating skills, address past experiences holding you back and become the confident singleton you know in your gut you can become.


This is why our resident dating coach Robert Noakes has created his flagship Dating Transformation programme, which pieces together every cornerstone of a successful dating life...including:


- Model-esque photographs for your online dating profile

- An engaging, funny and above all AUTHENTIC dating bio that effortlessly attracts high quality partners

- 12 weeks of one-on-one consultation with Robert himself, helping you to develop your dating tool kit as well as build your confidence brick by brick.


Sounds good, right?


If you’re sick of watching rom coms with a tub of ice cream, wishing it was you who lived happily ever after, and are ready to take genuine action to take back control of your dating life, then click the link below to discover Dating Transformation:


https://www.wingmandatingtraining.com/datingcoach





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